the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize