8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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