She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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