I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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