I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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