I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
