Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
