she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
