My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
