nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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