I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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