My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
