Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize