I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
