the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
