"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We left the knife in your bed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
