TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
