Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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