just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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