Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
