Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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