Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
