is your mom at the bar?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
