first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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