ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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