I wish I only lived at night.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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