Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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