All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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