I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
