i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
