So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
