I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
