My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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