I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
