Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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