the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
