What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
