I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
