do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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