I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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