I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
