the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
