I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't turn off my feet"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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