when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
