i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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