life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
