Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
