spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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