I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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