What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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