My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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