i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
