K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
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I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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