What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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