sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
