Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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