Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
