It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
