Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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