last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
