Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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