if i can run in heels then i can drive
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize