Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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