so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
