is your mom at the bar?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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