did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
