Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
