This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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