God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
