So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
