I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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