somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
