love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
